Child Support

Federico

New member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
17
Hi.
I have been struggling with this issue and would like to hear other men's opinnions.
I am not focusing on the legal aspects, but in the moral or internal ones.
After paying for 5 years for both my children and my ex wife's needs -she didnt work-, I am now in a position in which I can't afford paying any more.
I have my kids 12 days a month. I feel very bad for not being able to provide tons of money, but the fact is I need to have my own place and confort for when they are with me.
I decided to withold payments and when better times arrive, pay for what the court decides its owed.
It is really killing me, but I dont see other solution.
Needless to say, not giving money to their mother is not well seen, even by people on my side.
Thanks!
 

Papi Knox

Papi Knox
Staff member
Joined
Mar 11, 2019
Messages
369
Damn this is a tough situation.

I hear you. I can't relate since I don't have a family or have ever been in this sitauation.

1— "Nothing happens to anyone that he is not fitted by nature to bear." - Maximus in the movie Gladiator. It's true though, this too shall pass. I know this to be especially true because you're here to learn what to do to make changes so you no longer feel defeated. Awesome.

2— Your problem is low-income. That's it. Don't make it bigger than that. Now focus on earning more per month both to reduce the stress of this problem AND improve your life overall. What are you doing for income now? How much time and energy do you have to invest in a side hustle and/or getting a better job or starting a business? We can dive into this deeper when you post a thread in the Business section: https://alpha20community.com/index.php?forums/alpha-2-0-businesses.2/

2— Do the opposite of what you're doing. You're focused on the "moral and internal" concerns. This situation sucks, and that's OK. But your feeling bad needs to fuel you not drag you down brother. Focus on the legal aspects instead. Make this real and tangible. You owe someone money that you don't have... yet. That means you've done all that you can so far. So now you'll have to learn new things to put more money in your pocket. Make this fact clear and plan to all the legal parties that need to know. Be upfront, while also stating taht you're making the necessary changes to earn more and fufill your legal duties. That's all this is a simple accounting issue.

I'm not saying the system will understand, but at least you'll have peace of mind and go back to what really matters is #1 and #2.

3— Assuming you respect children, they will respect and adore you too. You see your children when you can and you feed, clothe, teach, and lead them. Continue being the leadership they need because I KNOW they aren't getting it from their mother. They'll respect all that you do if you only manage what matters— Your focused TIME with them.

Take note I mean focused, not over-parenting. Your role as Dad is to teach your children how to navigate the world much like BDs work teaches you to navigate the world. You don't have to baby or take care of all their other needs, this is the mother's role.For more on this, I recommend Unchained Man. Yes you'll spend a few bucks that you don't think you can afford to spend, but I assure you, it's worth it brother for the longterm guidance you want. https://www.alphamalebook.com/sales

4— Use this space as a resource, which includes messaging me privately. However you'll get more assurance with the whole forum giving feedback. I highly recommend the BD blogs, mainly BlackDragonBlog.com with his many articles on divorce https://blackdragonblog.com/category/marriage-and-divorce/

Post threads on how to make more money, and I and others will help you figure it out within the next 30 days. Add threads about how to cope with your X, and we'll guide you through it too.

This is what we do, and with no lame, BS advice that won't actually serve you.

You have all that you need, and are already doing most of the work.

Let's get you to the other side of this chapter in your life.

5—Finally, you won't die. Divorces suck. Child support sucks. Alimony sucks. Starting over sucks. Trust me I know I'm doing it for the 3rd time and I'm only in my 30s.

Thing is you won't die from this ordeal. It's not as bad as you think and feel right now. Keep this in mind and focus on the immediate relevant things you can do during any given waking hour to improve your financial situation and improve your live overall.


Oh and again... I am not a lawyer. Never been divorced. Don't have kds. My above advice is what I'd give any man with a problem mainly focus on what you can control and ignore the rest.
 

Federico

New member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
17
Thank you for your time writing all this. I own the AM 2.0 book and audio book and soon as I can I will be parte of the programa.
I will narrow my question a bit:
Local law doesnt send me to jail for not paying. Just confiscates whatever I own, which Is nothing.
I was a succesful freelancer and hope will be again soon. Divorce and child custody ruined my will to work.

Now, the moral question is:

Should I wait until I can afford it and finance myself by witholding child support, in order to maintain am acceptable way of living for me and the kids? The interest rate is the same as a regular loan.
 

Papi Knox

Papi Knox
Staff member
Joined
Mar 11, 2019
Messages
369
You can't squeeze water from a rock.

No money to give, then you don't send it.

If you have it to pay, you pay it.

If not, whatever money you do have goes to building yourself up so you can reliably earn it and never be in this station again. This is your moral imperative.

This is more so your biological imperative since you cannot take care of any responsibilities until you take care of yourself first.

For you that means eating well, getting sleep, hydrating, and exercising. Then you put whatever energy you have leftover to freelance work that will put money in your pocket this week/month.

There is no "hope this works out". Only: do til it happens.

There is no good or bad, just opportunities you use to your advantage (or not).
 

Federico

New member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
17
VERY enlightningh, helpful, supportive, encouraging and sensible words.
Thanks
 

C Lo

New member
Joined
Aug 6, 2019
Messages
4
My condolences on your situation. It really sucks, and I know you are doing everything you can.

I decided to withold payments and when better times arrive, pay for what the court decides its owed.
Depending on your jurisdiction, this might be okay or this might be a HORRIBLE idea. I'd consult local legal council ASAP before you get sanctioned by the court. You always want to be in front of this sort of issue no matter where you are.

It is really killing me, but I dont see other solution.
All the more reason to get in front of it. BTW your ex needs to get a job pronto.

Try and not let the guilt eat you up too bad. That guilt is only there because of some false social programming. If you were out spending your kids child support on gambling or strippers, then you should feel guilty.

Oddly, the men I know who would spend their child support on strippers and gambling never felt the least bit guilty.
 

Papi Knox

Papi Knox
Staff member
Joined
Mar 11, 2019
Messages
369
VERY enlightningh, helpful, supportive, encouraging and sensible words.
What's the latest on this brother?

I recently went through something similar, and can relate on new levels with you.
 

Federico

New member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
17
Hey Lenox,

To recap, she asked for the amount of a minimum wage (I dont live in the US, so just to give you an idea of how much). I said no, and she sent me to court. She LITERALLY told the judge she needed all that money for: gas (she lives 10 blocks from the school), rent, heating and electricity (she lives with his boyfriend) and food and medical assistance for HER DOG.

So, I told the judge I couldn't pay that, and that she (the judge) should come up with a sentence and that I would obey. And then asked for permission to say something to my ex and her lawyer. I said it was very very disrespectful to my kids to ask for food for a dog in a child support case. I just wanted to stress the fact that what my ex was asking was nonsense.

Then I asked the judge to set up an account to which I will deposit whatever money I could until she had a sentence. She refused and said we should keep things as signed in the previous arrangement. That is, no money involved, each parent should take care of their own expenses and the kids were 12 days/nights a month with me.

So, this was 10 months ago. At that moment I was broke, I could not afford private school, etc. Now I am a bit better but I decided to withold any payments and deposit the amount at a rate similar to what a judge would force me to pay in case she decided to set up any amount of money.

A couple of months ago, I offered my ex 30% of a minimum wage. She wanted 70%. I said I couldnt afford that. One month ago, after seeing the case was taking forever, I presume, because she asked the court to investigate me with the IRS, banking system, Stock Exchange, Real Estate Dept, etc..., she asked me to give her my best offer. I just said I had to check with my lawyer. I instructed him to offer her lawyer (I am not negotiationg with her anymore) a 25% of a minimum wage, no back payments (I mean, I start paying as soon as the agreement is signed) and that I am not paying for her lawyer. If she doesnt agre, I will wait for the sentence. I have no assets and no registered income for the last 5 years, so good luck with that.
 

Papi Knox

Papi Knox
Staff member
Joined
Mar 11, 2019
Messages
369
OK

Recently I was cucked. Here's how I handled it. I think it'll give you true power and peace of mind. though it won't be easy.

I had a woman attempt to convince me a child was mine, when it was some other dude's. I'll share the details in a separate thread.

1— I never let her know where I lived. She only had access to my PO Box address
2— I didn't fight for the child. I genuinely thought the child was mine, so why fight for something that's spiritually yours. Instead I moved away from the Mom to focus on my wellbeing. Each day the Mom stressed herself, while I built. Improved my health, finances, and dated other women who could sire my future sons and daughters. Overall improved positioning, which would later prove powerful if Mom tried to fuck with me.
3— I still talked with Mom, but only via text so there was always a visual record of her fuckery. I never responded with anger. At most, I'd tell her "Do what she thinks is best". Use the word yes and Great for compliance. When I had to say no to things, I'd preface with "Unfortunately,..." I can share examples, but the point being, I made all communication about what mattered most, the child. Her bullshit had nothing to do with whetehr or not the child was safe and growing healthy.
4— When it was my time with the child, I picked her up on time and left on time. Nothing more or less. I had my own materials for taking care of them so I didn't have to pass over shared bags and such. Keep it simple and separate.
5— I NEVER talked bad about the Mom around the child. Even though the baby was a newborn, I managed our relationship as separate from Mom. Our time was about us. Nothing more. Nothing less.
6— Every day when I wasn't around the child, I recorded videos. Videos about me and us, to give her a fuller perspective of why we couldn't be together. One video for each day apart. On her 18th Birthday these would be put on a harddrive and given to her as a gift. So she'd be better equipped to know for herself. It wasn't about bashing her Mother, but providing her fatherly guidance in the form of video. Sometimes the child would be in the video too.
7— Eventually, texting with Mom because untenable. SO I setup a second number. I told her to contact me at that other number, whcih was for my Secretary. From now on all communication would be done through her. We don't need to talk with each other unless it's an emergecny, wedding, graduation, or funeral. Further cementing to leave me the fuck alone. My "Secretary" was really whomever was sitting next to me at the time. I'd get eh text, pass it to someone and have them communicate in a neutral tone on my behalf. This is a Great way to make the girls wet for you or become the coolest guy among your guys friends. No one's ever seen a man take such control over a shitty situation before like this. It's hot.
8— Get yourself a AAA. An Aggressive, Asshole Attorney who will gut this cunt for you. Find someone with a track record of successfully representing Dad's and kicking ass for them. The kind of Attorney who doesn't want to be your friend, but wants you get respect. That's who I'll be hiring next to seek retribution or at least protect my ass from this crazy cuckdom.



I brought that up so you have context for what I would advise you to do based on my experience.

Immediately focus on #2. Your wellbeing is important since nothing positive will come of you stressing over things that don't matter. You've already lost, but now you get to decide is you lose and feel tremendous hurt or you lose and come out looking like a G. So improve your fitness, finances, date more women, etc. Get right and be reminded of how amazing your life is.

Then #1. Separate entirely as quickly as possible. Only see Mom when you have to pick up the kids. I recommend "hiring" a driver, even if it's just a trustworthy relative or friend. Let them be a neutral third party who picks up the children and is not allowed to relay information between you two. Full separation.

Make your 14 days with your children about you and them. No One else. Raise them with full attentiveness, and let them see you in action as a strong, smart, powerful man. this way it'll be self-evident who they can trust as they grow older. Never #5. You can record videos with them in it and talk to their older selves. This is for posterity. Tell your children stories about your life and the world. If you have boys spar with them, never too early. Teach them to fight, record videos of them fighting. Send them home to rewatch the clips and to improve in-between your visits together. This ensures they have something unique to hold on to when you're not around. Both the videos themselves and their father's guidance.

Do #4. Record one video before bed, for each child. This is demanding I know, but it'll feel perfect after the first 2 times. It's what kept me sane and strong to make the moves I needed for the longterm health of the child.

The sooner you can move to 7, the better. It's not your job to fight Mom so hire an attorney to do it for you when feasible. Until then only talk with her when it's an emergency. If she reaches out have your Secretary address it. No matter what don't let her know your buttons and be able to push em. Don't be a bitch.

Move with confidence.

What I'm saying here is unorthodox and unusual. But after living it, I know it's best to execute it rather than the status quo alternative of driving yourself mad.

Once your children were born ,they became tiny hostages of their mother. Assuming these kids are yours youhave to treat this situation like you're dealing with a terrorist. Don't play her game, let it consume and destroy her. Rise above it by focusing on your health and living a righteous life with your children, and only them, as best as you can.
 

Lex

Member
Joined
Nov 30, 2019
Messages
44
Look man.

When I went through custody. In reality it sucked im forced to pay a child support check. Now I don’t pay shit legally, but let me break it down for you.


Whatever child support is, is cheaper than taking her out and paying for shit she chooses. Just do the math. 3 times out at minimum a week her tab is $20, that’s $240/week aka $920/month. Imagine the other shit they acquire. Child support is actually cheap. The thought of paying to a woman you’re no longer with is what most men have a problem with.
 

Papi Knox

Papi Knox
Staff member
Joined
Mar 11, 2019
Messages
369
Ego and thirst ruins most men

Mental competency is cure

Get wise and do the hard, proven shit most men will never do

In my experience, I got a lot of flack, but I'm done with my challenge, while they are all STILL enduring their bullshit years later
 
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