Long distance MLTR problems in sex/Talk

[E3d2]

Due to nature of my job I can see my MLTR for 4-5 weeks and then have a break of 2-3 weeks. The girl I'm seeing now for past 2.5 months is 23 year old MLTR, with potential for OLTR. We didn't have The Talk, nor we defined relationship, but after 3 weeks we did STD testing and started having sex without condoms. And since it'll be long distance relationship for next 4-5 months we were lately seeing each other like 2-3 times a week.

I wouldn't even think of having sex with someone else without condoms. Not only that she is also very cautious, but considering how she's fallen into me, her strong religion, values and what we talked about so far, with 98% I can say she's not having sex with anyone else when I'm not around for 1 month, let alone when I'm in town. BUT there is a small chance that she has a long term FB from the past and then there's a chance that they don't use condoms (hard to rely on woman 100%).

Now we'll meet soon after the pause. I'm just a little bit scared to continue not using condoms without asking her simply if I need condom/having ultra quick chat if she was responsible. But then that might open The Talk earlier than necessary, she'll probably insist to know if I'm still having sex with other girls when I'm asking that.

I'd trust her answer and take risk, but should I even avoid asking her since chances are ultra low that she had sex with someone, especially without condom? We're both not into kids now at all. Using condoms all the time with her would be downgrading amazing sex.

 

[Leon]

You should make the decision yourself.

We don't know her, we don't know you, we don't know what the fuck she did last month. Why do you think asking us is wise?

Going bareback feels great of course, but you should learn to have amazing sex with or without condom alike, so your life won't depend on it.

 

[E3d2]

You should make the decision yourself.

We don't know her, we don't know you, we don't know what the fuck she did last month. Why do you think asking us is wise?

Going bareback feels great of course, but you should learn to have amazing sex with or without condom alike, so your life won't depend on it.

The reason I'm asking is because I'm sure there's out there more offshore workers or digital nomads or other contractors who don't spend whole year living at the same place, and we still want to move towards Alpha 2.0 lifestyle. So the topic shouldn't be only about my issue, but more how to apply Alpha 2.0 concept to long distance relationships when it comes to first few months, OLTR, The Talk etc.

I believe EFA phase should stay the same since it's only two weeks. After that it's implicit phase and I'm not sure which rules should we adapt considering this lifestyle.

 

[hollywood]

Here's what I would do. You don't want to have the talk until she starts to force the issue, so you can't be asking who she is sleeping with etc., because that will result in her asking the same thing back and then forcing the talk to happen sooner than it would.

So I would just start using condoms all times with her if there is any chance she sleeps with someone else. Be warned, a change like this will cause her to ask questions, so be prepared with answers unrelated to the relationship status, such as "I just want us both to be protected and safe" or "I know neither of us wants kids and birth control isn't always effective so we need to use condoms just to be safe." or if this is true as it is me "I want to last a little longer and when I wear condoms, I can go a little longer with you."

Once you've had the talk, then you can later ask about if she's fucking others and stuff, but if you find out she is, you have to be totally cool about it. Most likely if she isn't you can discuss going bareback again, just tell her that it feels so good, you want to maybe go bareback once in a while, and that will change to always real quick if you want it to.

Also, BD doesn't recommend 23 year olds as OLTR I don't think. You might rethink this idea about OLTR. I have been nonmono for 5 years and never had an OLTR. Definitely supposed to have her as a steady MLTR for at least a year before upgrading to OLTR also.

 

[Lenox J]

You're overthinking it.

1— She is not OLTR material, way to early for all that, and she's under 25. Plus no OLTR would give you doubt about if she's having safe sex. This is a concern though not necessarily a red flag. You're dating a teenager, which means all this is par for the course.

2— Stop seeing your high-end MLTR so often. More than 2x a week invites drama, and guy-drama which you're now experiencing. See her once a week, and add an FB to your roster to take up the time of seeing her extra. This will keep you busy, an alternative is to focus on your mission with more fervor, which is always your priority.

3— Use condoms. We've had this conversation multiple times this season on the forum. You're dating a teenager, teenagers aren't reliable. Always use a condom to protect yourself. Invest in thin condoms if you want to enjoy the sensation while still being safe. Affordable samples here: https://www.undercovercondoms.com/Condoms/Types/Thin-Condoms/13/Thin-Condoms.html

4— You don't have oneitis, but you're really into this girl and it's making you act and sound crazy. This means you need to downgrade her or add more girls to your roster. Another option is upgrade another FB and have two MLTRs, if you really want the emotional comfort. Women are a fun part of your life, not the goal or the focus. Outside of women I'd double down in one of the other LAs or push your Mission. Make those your focus and in doing so, all the women around you will follow you instead of you following them like you are now.

5— If you keep this girls as MLTR. Relax. No need for any talk. If you are traveling, you can't make her an OLTR anyway. This is also why I recommend downgrading her.

Keep it smart and simple brother.

 

[E3d2]

You're overthinking it.

1— She is not OLTR material, way to early for all that, and she's under 25. Plus no OLTR would give you doubt about if she's having safe sex. This is a concern though not necessarily a red flag. You're dating a teenager, which means all this is par for the course.

2— Stop seeing your high-end MLTR so often. More than 2x a week invites drama, and guy-drama which you're now experiencing. See her once a week, and add an FB to your roster to take up the time of seeing her extra. This will keep you busy, an alternative is to focus on your mission with more fervor, which is always your priority.

3— Use condoms. We've had this conversation multiple times this season on the forum. You're dating a teenager, teenagers aren't reliable. Always use a condom to protect yourself. Invest in thin condoms if you want to enjoy the sensation while still being safe. Affordable samples here: https://www.undercovercondoms.com/Condoms/Types/Thin-Condoms/13/Thin-Condoms.html

4— You don't have oneitis, but you're really into this girl and it's making you act and sound crazy. This means you need to downgrade her or add more girls to your roster. Another option is upgrade another FB and have two MLTRs, if you really want the emotional comfort. Women are a fun part of your life, not the goal or the focus. Outside of women I'd double down in one of the other LAs or push your Mission. Make those your focus and in doing so, all the women around you will follow you instead of you following them like you are now.

5— If you keep this girls as MLTR. Relax. No need for any talk. If you are traveling, you can't make her an OLTR anyway. This is also why I recommend downgrading her.

Keep it smart and simple brother.

Thanks, these advices are definitely good in general for all long distance relationships. Especially I realized focusing on life's mission is even more important for long term fulfillment when you don't live in one place all the time, taking it simple and not to overthink, what Lenox also said.

Not all, but some BD rules need to be adapted to each person and country. I feel like sometimes people see all BD rules in black and white. Like one example in my case- she now turned 24, it'd be crazy not to consider a girl as potential Queen of the hill because she's one year less than 25, it's not like she's 18 or 19.

I'll definitely wait with The Talk until I settle back in the city again.

 

[Lenox J]

True. I adjust BDs teachings and ALL insights to my personal Code.

Having your Code will help you discern what suits you and what does not. Assuming you respect the nature and reality of things.

But what is firm here is that you need to focus on you. If you're traveling, you can't have more than MLTR.

And the age thing is notable and applies to men too. People don't full develop biologically until about 25. That means their first real year of life starts between 25 and 26. This is the foundation of who they'll be probably for the rest of their life.

With women this process is more dynamic since that's woman's nature (constantly changing). Find a woman at 24 and have a conversation with her about any topic. Then find her a year later. Talk about the same topic. You'll see. Sometimes you only have to wait a month, not even a year haha