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hollywood

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May 21, 2019
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39
I'm gonna be blunt. I feel bad for you. You have oneitis bad, and If I was a betting man, I'd bet you will go monogamous for this one girl. If that happens, you'll likely never go Alpha 2. You must be willing to let ANY woman of yours walk away forever at any point in time. You must have this attitude or you will fail at being Alpha 2.0.

This is very important because you will become so much more Alpha when you watch a woman you care about walk away "forever", and then one day return. It changes your entire outlook and neediness. But you haven't experienced that so you are afraid that you're going to lose "that one special lady". If you want to be an Alpha 2.0, stop making excuses and start right now. Lenox is way harder on this than me, I gave you an option that would possibly keep this girl in your life, but you still can't continue on, with the hope she returns. You have to let her go if she won't play ball your way, and believe it or not, letting women go without a fight or struggle or drama, sparks something in them that makes them often return back to you. But you won't be able to see or believe this until you practice it. The decision is yours. If you lose one special one, you get to go out and fuck a bunch more and I guarantee you'll find one just as good and most likely even better in due time. You keep working on an abundance mentality and you will be a happier man in no time.
 

TheDan

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Jul 22, 2019
Messages
20
Thanks man. You're right that I'm having a rough time and near caving. Holding strong so far though.

One of the things that bothers me is seeing her so upset about the situation because I genuinely care for her (we've been together for a while). It's rough seeing her break down or getting sobbing calls. Makes me just want to stop this whole thing. You guys are definitely helping me here. I can't see the light yet, though.

Hollywood, you have mentioned a good MLTR of yours leaving multiple times and coming back. What usually prompts this? Does she get super upset when she leaves? How do you handle that? Just curious.
 

lenox

Caveman lenox
Staff member
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Mar 11, 2019
Messages
207
Persona is the advice.

Also the following mindset shift.

Your emotions aren't telling you to go back to the old girl. Your body would never betray you in such a way.

You need to learn to know difference between your intuition moving you forward and your self-doubt questioning how to move forward. Misread either and you'll make poor choices that you know (mental) and feel (emotional) are awful.
 

hollywood

Member
Joined
May 21, 2019
Messages
39
I'd cut way back on communication for her. The goal is that she only talks to you and sees you enough that she wants all the time with you to be quality time, not crying or arguing time.

As for MLTR leaving me, read BD's blog posts about LSNFTE. My FB's tend to just ignore my snap or fb message when they leave me. MLTR's do the same, but the one you are asking about usually attempts drama first. This is not normal however. But this particular woman tries to start drama in attempt at getting a negative response from me that she can pin the entire breakup on. It never worked the first couple times, so the last time she simply came over and told me she wasn't going to see me anymore. Coincidentally, she was back from the last one after 2 weeks. Other times it has been 1 month and 4 months.
 

hollywood

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Joined
May 21, 2019
Messages
39
To add, women always only leave me because they have another man they are "monkey branching" to. Women rarely leave a man without a new man mostly in place to "monkey branch" to. FB's and MLTR's contact me immediately after their new boyfriend and them part ways, some times as she is about to leave them, she will contact me just to make sure I am still available to her, then she dumps him and hops on my dick.

If a woman leaves you because she is frustrated that you sleep with other women and/or won't commit to her or give her her way, she will almost always be back at least a time or two more. My fav MLTR, when she is wanting more of a beta guy, starts to ask for more time with me, or asks me to start doing more boyfriendish things. Then when I refuse, she will start talking about how she may have to see other guys to get more attention/sex, of course I tell her if that will make her happier she should go for it. Then she does in fact start dating guys until she either gets bored with that, or finds one she wants to sleep with and get with. When she finds one, she still leaves me first and then gets with them. She cannot ever be with two guys at once even though she sounds like that's her goal initially when she starts this crap. The last guy she did this with, went for sex too quick with her and got pissed and she dropped him and came right back to me. That's how I know she was looking for a beta. She made the guy wait a couple weeks without giving him sex, yet I got it on the second time I met with her initially.

Currently she is back with me and happy as can be, but the cycle will repeat. Sometimes she leaves, other times she just toys with and teases a few guys she dates and never leaves me. It's only when she decides she found a guy to get serious with and have sex with that she leaves, and only after first attempting to get me to go more beta and failing. This last time she didn't really even try to betaize me, she just told me she was done.
 

hollywood

Member
Joined
May 21, 2019
Messages
39
Most women when they leave you, will just ignore your message asking to meet up, or they will make excuses. Two times of making excuses and I stop talking to them. If they ignore me, since I usually use snap, I just go silent. I can see they aren't even reading my snap so there is no point in trying to contact them some other way. That's actually the worst thing to do, if a woman is ignoring you, is to try and contact her at all. Go silent and let her worry that you may never speak to her again. She's trying to get a reaction out of you, as that is what most women do. Shit tests are an attempt at getting you to react and start guy drama usually. If you react, you lose some of her attraction, maybe most or all even.
 

TheDan

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Jul 22, 2019
Messages
20
I think I am starting to get to the bottom of what is driving my confusion. In my brain I know that the relationships I have with the new women are only temporary. However, my brain thinks that a relationship with my Ex could last forever (I know, stupid, but just being honest about what's going on in my head). So this creates a dilemma because my SP likes the Guy Disney idea of having my Ex forever, but the new me knows that isn't true. My brain thinks I am making a mistake throwing away a "forever" relationship with someone I love for temporary relationships that are more shallow. Of course all this is reinforced whenever I talk to someone locked in The Prison.

It is still a hard pill to swallow. Thanks again for listening to my ramblings haha
 

TheDan

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Jul 22, 2019
Messages
20
Hey man, I am still holding strong, though she is pushing me hard. The more I hold out, the more frustrated she gets and the more she wants me... so weird. She will go from texting "Fuck you, I never want to see you again" (of course I don't respond) to calling me up later in the day to say she loves me. I actually feel bad for her at this point.

I met a new girl on Friday who was pretty cool. I am realizing that this new life of freedom has some nice perks. Because of the multiple women, my neediness is subsiding a bit. However, my brain still worries a little about girls dropping off to the point I don't have any. I know I just have to keep putting in the work, though. I do have another one in the pipeline. Time management is getting tricky at this point, but I will figure it out. I think 3 girls is my limit at this point.

Right now I am on business travel for a week, so that will help me get my head more clear.
 

hollywood

Member
Joined
May 21, 2019
Messages
39
Yeah 3 girls is the right amount for me also. I sometimes have 4 and honestly I start having issues getting it up for my least favorite girl when I get to 4. I hate that, but it keeps happening to me. Whenever a woman leaves you, just let her go happily and don't give her any drama and just go radio silent. That pretty much will keep each woman in your roster, returning to you later on. Once you see this happen to you multiple times from multiple women, you will lose the worry about girls dropping off. I started this life 5 years ago and hadn't even heard of Blackdragon at first, and I still have almost every woman coming back to me at times. When one drops off, I add a new one. It is now to the point that when one drops off, there is usually one returning around the same time, so I don't even have to go sarge for new women much anymore.

Also the woman you are sort of oneitisy for, if she texted "fuck you I never want to see you again." that is actually grounds for a soft next. I'm guessing you don't feel ready for that, but you should go radio silent when she does that and not talk to her for 3-4 days. She will only do that a time or two if you respond with a soft next and she'll start to learn you won't do her drama bullshit. If you keep letting her do that but then come back at you all nice, she will continue throwing that drama at you. If you are too scared to soft next, you need to start working it in with her soon.
 

TheDan

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Jul 22, 2019
Messages
20
Update.

Still holding strong with the ex. When I got back from my trip, she wanted to see me the next day. I saw her and she got really upset with me that she wasn't the first person I saw when I returned from the trip (I had seen the FB first). She still fucked me, though.

Last Monday she said she wasn't going to contact me anymore, then she ended up "accidentally" leaving something at my place and seeing me Tuesday (I know, too much seeing her - I'm still learning). Then last Thursday she stopped by in the morning and said she was done and not going to contact me anymore. I said "ok, I understand" and gave her a hug and she left. I have not heard from her since (this is the longest it has been). I think she was planning on seeing some new guy this weekend, so that's probably why.

Thursday I slept with a new girl that is pretty cool, so that helped things. Then on Saturday I met another new girl (super hot), so we'll see how that goes. I tend to do pretty well on dates being laid back and letting her do most of the talking while kino-ing every once in a while. The laid back attitude seems to work wonders.

I will admit that I still struggle thinking about the ex a lot and thinking that she is my one chance to be with someone forever (SP creeping), but I am holding strong so far. I have not contacted her. Jealousy plays a role, but moreso it is the thought that I am losing her as an option. Maybe it is just ego?

It definitely helps to post my thoughts here.
 

hollywood

Member
Joined
May 21, 2019
Messages
39
Ok Dan, you did this right, so good job. Now to maintain it. You let her leave you and were outcome independent. A hug and "I understand" is a great way to handle that, but that needs to be the end of your communication with her now. You do not contact her for any reason whatsoever.

What if she contacts you first? If you think it's because she wants to just still have communication with you with no intent on fucking you, don't respond. If she is hitting you up because she wants sex, invite her to come have sex. If she does not comply or makes excuses, you return to the soft next and do not contact her. If she keeps contacting you after, you stay silent until/unless you know she is going to have sex with you.

YOU ARE GOING TO STRUGGLE HARD WITH THIS. Because if she has a new guy, she may leave you for months, like 4-6. Could be less, but likely will be 6 months or more if I were to guess. This is because you didn't start out with her as nonmono. She needs to go experience dating a beta, while also occasionally wondering about you and building her attraction for you up. At some point the new guy will become boring or too dramatic for her, and she will remember how much she liked you and how she is missing you adn she will contact you. At that point you should be able to get back in her pants and then, she will be a solid woman in your rotation. But only if you refrain from contacting her "to keep the connection" or any shit like that.

Remember, you cannot contact her First unless it has been at least 4 months. If she contacts you first, then you can immediately see if she is down for sex but if she isn't, back to silence you go.
 

hollywood

Member
Joined
May 21, 2019
Messages
39
Oh and actually, I am more of an "asshole" when girls leave me. More than once they asked for a hug and I always deny it. I am not mean about it but I just let them know that I don't do friend zone, so since we aren't fucking, I'm not putting my hands on her. I swear that alone has them coming back faster but I don't know if it's the correct way to handle that or not, so maybe don't try it unless others confirm it's a good Alpha 2 response.
 

TheDan

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Jul 22, 2019
Messages
20
I'm just worried that I can't handle her as just a FB, since we have lots of history. I will surely want to see her more than once a week. That's the part of me that keeps saying just take her back and go monogamous, not keep her as a FB. This shit is rough.
 

hollywood

Member
Joined
May 21, 2019
Messages
39
Nobody should tell you that she has to FB. I have an MLTR that has left 3 times and each time she came back she got to resume at MLTR level. That's your choice, nobody elses. Also man, you sometimes sound like you don't want to be nonmono. Like if you truly want to be a monogamous person, nobody here is against you doing what you feel you want to do, so nobody is going to try to persuade you to do things a certain way. That's up to you to make that choice. If it's too difficult for you, don't do it and just be monogamous. To me that would be awful, but if you have to battle yourself constantly on whether to live this way or not, maybe you should just do what you think will make you feel good.

I'm saying this because the mindset "this shit is rough" sounds like you aren't happy. I never feel unhappy with this lifestyle other than the realization I can't just have one woman and keep her forever. That fact does make me a little unhappy, but I never feel like being nonmono "is rough" or "difficult". If I constantly felt that the way I handle my relationships is "rough", I'd do something different. I am sad for you to not be able to be super happy like I am on this level, but if you don't feel happy doing your relationships this way, then eventually you will quit doing it anyway.

I am over-the-top happy. I love sticking my dick in several different women every week. I love getting attention from several women. I love getting a message on my phone and going to check and see which one of my women is hitting me up. I love knowing that even if one of my women leave, I still can fuck multiple women that very same day or week with almost no effort. I love the mindblown look on people's faces when my women tell them that they let me fuck other women. I love that one woman loves taking it doggystyle because one of my other women hates that position. And I love having the woman who doesn't like doggystyle because her sexual skills are mind blowing. I love having yet another woman who specifically loves fucking in public or risky places. And then I love having this other woman who I don't even see that much but she ALWAYS gives head every single time I see her and she makes me food almost every time she sees me. I mean. I get the best benefits each woman has to offer so I feel like I'm almost spoiled. These women go above and beyond what they normally do for a regular mono "boyfriend" too. They put up the best they have to offer because they know you have so many options and they want to be your top woman, your favorite. Its absolutely incredible.

However, I have been doing this for over 5 years now. I have seen the benefit of living this way. My favorite MLTR has never had a relationship (at least monogamous) that lasted more than 4 months. If I was her monogamous boyfriend, I'd like to think I'd beat that record, but if I did it would only be by a month or two. However she's been with me for the most part for almost 3 years. I'd have lost her for good a long time ago if I was monogamous. That's all I need to know about this lifestyle. You actually get to keep and have sex with your women much longer than you would in a monogamous relationship, so even if you think you found "that special one", you know some day she will get bored and leave, but with this lifestyle, it takes way longer for her to get bored (she only sees you once or twice a week, so she's usually very excited to be with you), and therefore she is in my life for a far greater period of time this way, so even if I wanted to go mono with her, I realize that would ruin the longevity of our relationship.
 

TheDan

New member
Joined
Jul 22, 2019
Messages
20
I appreciate the response and the perspective.

The rough part really just comes down to my brain thinking I can have one special woman forever (my ex). It's not that I don't like having the options (though I am still in the learning phase, so it is taking up a lot of my time), but just the false thoughts about my special girl staying with me forever. That's the rough part and it is hard for me to get past.
 
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