No success in online dating - what am I doing wrong?

Papi Knox

Papi Knox
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Brother... you're beating a dead horse

You want to be validated for doing something special, but you haven't done anything special worth commending

Accept that

You're learning what matters now... leave the past behind

Everything I'm sharing with you now is to build you into a better man first and foremost

The next step is showcasing that better man to the world

The latter steps are presenting yourself in line with that frame so women follow your lead

Stop trying to make your past fit your future... it never well, assuming you want to live at a higher standard
 

Gulliver

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64
No, I'm not beating any dead horse. I simply want to learn from my mistakes. You commented on my templates not on my original conversations. I just simply want to learn what I was doing wrong in the original conversations. How else can I learn? I want to learn anything new, but I want to learn from my mistakes. If you don't want to comment on these fine, but I will not know what I was doing wrong.
 

Gulliver

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First of all I appreciate you taking the time to help me. Thank you!
I also want to say that I do not mean to argue with you I'm just really keen on learning. I want to learn what my mistakes are.

So I just reread the post linked once again.

You said "I see what's happening. All of these are generic, needy, and common. Girls don't like boring, desperate, average men. This alone might be the biggest hindrance to you."
- this was an answer to one of the templates not to the screenshots I linked.

"Perfect. Absolutely excellent example for you and everyone here. Of what NOT to do."
- Again this was in response to the template from the Swipe Text Date ebook not about my original messaging.

"Too on the nose. This is a girl you want to meet, get to know, fuck, and have follow you into adventure with no certainty of making it to the happy ever after. It's your job to inspire her to qualify her to you. You're giving her a free pas to lie to you and tell you she's everything you want, like she does with ALL other guys she preys on. That's not you Brother."
- Again this was in response to the template from Swipe Text Date not to the original messages I shared.

So far I got the idea, that templates don't work and I should not come across as needy nice guy. Point taken. But these are not my latest messages. I said in that thread these were what I also used before but then later I used original openers. English is not my first language and I hope I don't confuse you.

The linked original messages were not templates. I'd really like to know what was wrong with those. Because I feel they were not needy, at least in the opener.

Also, it seems that the 5 criteria I worked on weren't good enough for you. And then you stopped commenting on it. You said I need to make them more positive. Not sure what else can I do with these 5 points I made them as positive as I could.
 

Papi Knox

Papi Knox
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I'll reiterate in different term:

In all examples that you've shown, you've come off as a boring or needy or overall ordinary guy who cannot satisfy a woman

You think you're being original, but you're in fact acting like the vast majority of men who don't get girls and how they operate

My work is to help you forget that past version of yourself and evolve into a true competent man who comes off as extraordinary to all women (and men) he meets

The kind of man who influences his environment instead of blends into it

Unpacking your future maneuvers will help you 1000x more than going over the past

Dwelling on the past is bitch work... leave it to the bitches
 

Gulliver

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64
I quickly progressed to chapter 7 in the online dating book by Caleb. And I drafted my bio (keep in mind English is my second language and this will be translated to Hungarian). What do you guys think?

Was the chicken first or the egg? I dislike the status quo and accepting what the Matrix serves me by default. I like to design my own life, heck that’s how Neo got free from the Matrix, too!

When inspiration hits me I write songs that are carried through the air to touch the heart and shake the world. Expressing my feelings when writing a song through singing, playing the guitar and keyboard is perhaps even better than orgasm. Perhaps. But who knows maybe someone could change my mind about this… When the composition finally comes together, the way I heard it in my head, the way I visualized it in front of my eyes that’s when I feel I’m here for a reason and it makes me feel grounded and extremely grateful. I cannot live without music, it flows through me like waves through the ocean. It makes me who I am. The ocean is nothing without waves and I’m nothing without music. If I don’t play music, I get grumpy, which admittedly quite rare because I play quite a lot.

Basically you better love music or we won’t get along. I’d like to think that I’m humble yet confident. I don’t run away from problems but face them head-on. My mentors taught me to have an internal focus of strength, and not to let anyone or anything take advantage of me. In other words, I won’t play the victim but will strap into the cockpit and take control of my life. If that sounds serious, that’s because it is. On the flip side, people often tell me I should be a stand-up comedian as I like to entertain small groups of people with puns and jokes.

Are you able to handle a bearded masculine stronghold? What I’d actually like to find is more than just a pretty face but a person who I can connect with on a deeper level. I dislike the shallow, the cheap, the mass-produced. I have deep feelings for those I love and care for. My work is my passion which is something not everyone can boast about. I’ve worked hard to get where I’m right now and I’m enjoying the ride and the fruit of my labor. I value my independence and what I do allows me to have free time to pursue my passions and set my own hours.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes “Man sacrifices his health in order to earn money. Then he sacrifices his money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present: the result being that he does not live in the present nor in the future, he lives as if he is never going to die. And then dies having never really lived.” Apparently this was said by the Dalai Lama but I’m not sure. What I’m sure about is that it encompasses my worldview. Healthy eating, healthy living, physical and mental wellness is very important to me, for this reason, I raise my own organic goats, chicken, have an organic garden, work out in nature and do regular yoga. I also like pondering over the deep meanings and questions of life and live life to the fullest while being in the present. I’m a chill person, but I have strong standards. I’d would be grand to meet someone who shares these values as well.

I don’t particularly enjoy online messaging back and forth and I’d rather talk to a woman face-to-face. Message me and let’s meet up to share a few laughs and stories over a drink, just something fun and relaxing without any pressure and see where it goes. I just want to hang out in a relaxed atmosphere to see if there is any chemistry between us. If not that, perhaps a friendship, or neither. Either way, it’s fine. I know what my purpose in life is and it would be great to find a like-minded chill girl who can join my journey on this unpaved dusty road we call life.
 
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Papi Knox

Papi Knox
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356
Ok, so what is a good opener than?
A good opener is the opposite of what you've been doing. Say something unexpected, bizarre, and/or innocuous

Every guy is approaching here with obvious pickup lines and chattin her up about how cool she is

One she's not that cool and she knows it, and Two that's so boring... give her something that catches her curiosity and treat her like a cat and your words are the catnip/laser pointer

This is the hard part, but if something comes to mind go for it...

These days, I do the obvious question start:

1— "(Name of your town)? (cute emoji)" so it reads "Harlem? ☕"

There are more, but this forces a playful woman to answer. Her reply (or replies) will also give you fodder for follow up. Follow up that jokingly (read: emotionally piques) plays off what she says, not logically makes her think.

She's a woman. Make her feel NOT think. Practice on your wife to appreciate how powerful this insight is.

THat said, you will want to focus on the other aspects first because text game is finishing touch not the foundation.
 

Gulliver

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Sep 9, 2019
Messages
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A good opener is the opposite of what you've been doing. Say something unexpected, bizarre, and/or innocuous

Every guy is approaching here with obvious pickup lines and chattin her up about how cool she is

One she's not that cool and she knows it, and Two that's so boring... give her something that catches her curiosity and treat her like a cat and your words are the catnip/laser pointer

This is the hard part, but if something comes to mind go for it...

These days, I do the obvious question start:

1— "(Name of your town)? (cute emoji)" so it reads "Harlem? ☕"

There are more, but this forces a playful woman to answer. Her reply (or replies) will also give you fodder for follow up. Follow up that jokingly (read: emotionally piques) plays off what she says, not logically makes her think.

She's a woman. Make her feel NOT think. Practice on your wife to appreciate how powerful this insight is.

THat said, you will want to focus on the other aspects first because text game is finishing touch not the foundation.
I see. Thanks for the idea!

I just read the openers chapter in the book as well. I think in my latest openers I was quite close. Eg I said "Stay Weird" - I'm sure that 99% of guys haven't said that to her and she responded really well to that for instance - I just didn't pull the trigger soon enough and talked to her for ages instead of setting up the date. But I see from the book I don't even need to really customize the opener that much and can do copy-paste and add the name as "customization".

How about my bio (above)? I also sent you some more pics of my on the basketball court in private.
 

Papi Knox

Papi Knox
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356
Yes you're noticing how to improve

It's becoming intuitive slowly but surely

It's almost as if by building you into a Stand UP Man first, that attracting and approaching women becomes easier
 

Gulliver

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Hey, sorry if I'm just not understanding but the "Yes you're noticing how to improve" was to say my bio is good?
Yes, I feel the improvement, thanks for your help sir!
 

Papi Knox

Papi Knox
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huh somehow I missed the bio

I don't like it... long, dorky, angry, inconsistent, and needy.

It's your past self rearing its head again to drive your present self

No grown man takes direction from a child, but you're doing that with your child-self

Time to kill that child-Gulliver and bury him

Let present-Gulliver take full control
 

Gulliver

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WTF lol I followed the guidelines in the book by Caleb, I also used phrases and styles from the given templates from the book, yet still bad.
I wasn't writing this with my old self or from my child self.

So you're saying it should be shorter, point taken. Dorky? Where? Angry? Where?
I'd want to rewrite it but not sure where to start.

Here is a shortened version, but it really does encompasses who I am. Took out Matrix reference and orgasm, and carried through the waves if perhaps that what made it dorky.

"I'm a singer-songwriter with a strong interest in healthy eating, personal development and fishing. When inspiration hits me I play the guitar, keyboards and sing to release my feelings and thoughts. Nothing feels like it. When the composition finally comes together, the way I heard it in my head, the way I visualized it in front of my eyes that’s when I feel I’m here for a reason and it makes me feel grounded and extremely grateful. I cannot live without music, it flows through me like waves through the ocean. It makes me who I am. The ocean is nothing without waves and I’m nothing without music. If I don’t play music, I get grumpy, which admittedly quite rare because I play quite a lot.

Basically you better love music or we won’t get along. I’d like to think that I’m humble yet confident. I don’t run away from problems but face them head-on. My mentors taught me to have an internal focus of strength, and not to let anyone or anything take advantage of me. In other words, I won’t play the victim but will strap into the cockpit and take control of my life. On the flip side, people often tell me I should be a stand-up comedian as I like to entertain small groups of people with puns and jokes.

Are you able to handle a bearded masculine stronghold? What I’d actually like to find is more than just a pretty face but a person who I can connect with on a deeper level. I dislike the shallow, the cheap, the mass-produced. I have deep feelings for those I love and care for. My work is my passion which is something not everyone can boast about. I’ve worked hard to get where I’m right now and I’m enjoying the ride and the fruit of my labor. I value my independence and what I do allows me to have free time to pursue my passions and set my own hours.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes “Man sacrifices his health in order to earn money. Then he sacrifices his money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present: the result being that he does not live in the present nor in the future, he lives as if he is never going to die. And then dies having never really lived.” Apparently this was said by the Dalai Lama but I’m not sure. What I’m sure about is that it encompasses my worldview. Healthy eating, healthy living, physical and mental wellness is very important to me. I also like pondering over the deep meanings and questions of life and live life to the fullest while being in the present. I’m a chill person, but I have strong standards. I’d would be grand to meet someone who shares these values as well.

I don’t particularly enjoy online messaging back and forth and I’d rather talk to a woman face-to-face. Message me and let’s meet up to share a few laughs and stories over a drink, just something fun and relaxing without any pressure and see where it goes. I just want to hang out in a relaxed atmosphere to see if there is any chemistry between us. If not that, perhaps a friendship, or neither. Either way, it’s fine. I know what my purpose in life is and it would be great to find a like-minded chill girl who can join my journey on this unpaved dusty road we call life."
 
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Papi Knox

Papi Knox
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356
I haven't read Caleb's online dating book, but I'm sure it shows you NOT to be egocentric and talk about yourself

NO woman will respond positively this because it's not about them, or even you and them, it's about you

NO ONE in this world cares about what you think until you've proven yourself to be the highest-value motherfucker in the room

You aren't that man, so don't just say you're humble... actually be it

Play to your audience and express yourself in a way she can accept and wants to hear more because you delight all her senses

That said, be relaxed and playful, and you'll attract relaxed and playful women

Here are some wonderful examples from BDs site:

1— https://blackdragonblog.com/2013/02/18/online-dating-contest-the-winning-profiles-and-other-results/
2— https://blackdragonblog.com/2013/04/07/more-winning-profiles-from-the-online-dating-profile-contest/
3— https://blackdragonblog.com/2014/04/15/the-2014-online-dating-profile-contest-winners/
 

Gulliver

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Papi Knox

Papi Knox
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This is my mistake

I recall these examples being different, but they speak to what you're attempting and you're in line with it

This is a point where me and Caleb differ

When I read yours I see in between the lines and it reveals your character flaws that you want to grow out of to attract worthwhile women

I suggest trimming down your bio to help edit those negative traits

Take Caleb's route, and reach out and ask him for advice

I can only speak to what I would do and how and why
 

Gulliver

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This is my mistake

I recall these examples being different, but they speak to what you're attempting and you're in line with it

This is a point where me and Caleb differ
That's ok.

When I read yours I see in between the lines and it reveals your character flaws that you want to grow out of to attract worthwhile women
What flaws?

I suggest trimming down your bio to help edit those negative traits

Take Caleb's route, and reach out and ask him for advice

I can only speak to what I would do and how and why
Do you have a template that is different from Caleb just for the sake of seeing what you mean?
 

Papi Knox

Papi Knox
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What flaws?
What I've mentioned before. Thirsty. Angry. Living in the past. Judgemental. They all rear their heads in the text, and non of those are attractive features in a man or any human.


Do you have a template that is different from Caleb just for the sake of seeing what you mean?
No template since it's unique to you. Demands a powerful self-awareness. Think of it like business, in order to make the best sales, you need to know what you offer and who it is best for, and then position yourself (market) to the target market confidently because you know they'll positively respond to it and buy.

Apply that methodology to your profile, and it'll make more sense.

Remember, it's not about you, and all about her
 

Papi Knox

Papi Knox
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It lacks a connection to the woman and what she wants and needs.

You pushing your wants and needs leaves no room for her to imagine herself in the adventure of your life.

There's no fun for her to see and want to say yes to jumping into your life.

That's the focus you need to address, and in doing so you'll lighten up and fix it overall so it's constructive and feeds her need for attention from a high-value man.
 
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