Soft Next From At Your Place

[Gulliver]

I read about soft next in the Unchained Man and on BD blog, both mention you leave the house and don't contact her and don't respond to her for 2-7 days. This works if you're at her place. What if this happens at your place? Do you send her out? What do you say?

 

[lenox]

HE describes this in GET TO SEX FAST. Have you read it?

Avoid going to women's place. It's always a bad idea logistically, as you can see here.

Bottomline:

NEVER be upset. Never overreact. You must have the abundance mindset. SHe's being dumb, Great, now you pull out your phone and instantly contact someone who won't be dumb. Tell her you're going to get to some work (which should be true even if it's just checking oyur email) and that you'll make plans for another time. She'll either get in line or leave. Awesome.

Either way you win.

 

[Gulliver]

Have read chapter 1-3 and 16-19 so far but there was no mention of this, especially not about how it's done from your home. He mentions "you leave" but that doesn't work at your home.

Ok, so if you're at your home you just tell her, that you'll get to some work and that you'll make plans for another time. Is that it?

 

[lenox]

Maybe it's the YOUNGER WOMAN book?

I forget which, but it describes all of this in detail over a few pages. Someone help me out with the proper reference so Gulliver can get what he needs.

Essentially your tone is that I want to focus on you, but if you're not into this, I want to be productive with my time.

Productive can mean anything:

— "I want to fuck another girls since you won't smash"
— "I want to get work done and make more money"
— "I want to work out"
— "I want to finish building X"

Whatever you choose, it must communicate that your have a full and rich life of abundance. That you don't wait for shit, and that if she isn't into you that you respect yourself plenty to not entertain her bullshit.

She'll get the message. Best for her to learn it on day one and never fuck up in the future, which will lead ot frustrating disrespect in all areas of the relationship.

 

[Gulliver]

Right, well that makes sense. I understand the concept of soft next I was just not sure how to do it from your own home. But now I see.

So here are some examples I just came up with:

"Alright, look, I need to now get back to work. We'll make plans for another time."
"Seriously? That wasn't too nice. You know what, I have to get back to recording some music now. See you later."
"WTF? Ok, baby, I need to make use of my time better than this, I'll record a new video now. Thanks for coming though."

What do you think?

 

[lenox]

Too much anger. STOP!

You're not mad that things aren't escalating. You have a rich and full life with girls blowing up your phone 24/7 to be with you. Remember that.

So say what you would say if you had 50 girls in your phone ready to respect your wishes and fuck you on command.

What would that Alpha-version of you say and do?

That's what you internalize and practice until the future when it's real.

Try again.

 

[Gulliver]

I'd say the same even if I had 100 girls begging for my dick. I had enough of the nice guy me who didn't express his feelings and repressed his anger.

 

[lenox]

You wouldn't and it has nothing to do with being Mr. Nice Guy.

Anger comes from lack.

A man with options is passionate, but rarely angry. Thus, he doesn't speak in angry tones.

Try again.

What would a man with options say (and do) with a woman who isn't interested in the moves he's making?

 

[Gulliver]

Look, it really depends on the level of drama. Mild drama may not cause anger, high drama may. I've had the chance to have abundance in certain things, yet I still got angry about things that annoyed me. Anger is natural if it's short term, and it can be triggered even if you have options, although I agree that options do expand your threshold level.

But just to put this to bed here are my responses without the "horrible" anger

"Alright, look, I need to now get back to work. We'll make plans for another time."
"Actually, I have to get back to recording some music now. See you later."
"Hey, I just realized that I have to record a new video now. Thanks for coming though."

Do these pass now?

 

[Pickle Rick]

No drama.

None

Zero

You can call it soft next, or fuck text or up your ass but the goal is to move toward something good and ignore drama.

This is behavioral psychology 101: ignore shit you don't like.

If she is at your place get her the fuck out. You don't have to be mean but get her gone.

If she is living with you and you aren't married you have made a grievous error.

 

[lenox]

Mild drama may not cause anger, high drama may.

High drama means you aren't in control of your women. That guy is not in control of his life. That guy will be angry. Anger in men is just veiled sadness. Competent men know this. Even dumb women can pick up on this, though they don't know how to articulate it.

So play it your way and see for yourself. No one is stopping you from salting your game.

If you want to step your game as a man though, you're gonna have to learn to address the root causes of your pain.

Handle your business.

THEN you'll appreciate how simple and fun this can all be, for you and your women.

 

[lenox]

This is behavioral psychology 101: ignore shit you don't like.

Not ignore. Address good and bad equally.

Reward good behaviour.

Correct bad behaviour.

And ALWAYS be willing to walk way, if she doesnt respect your corrections and vision for life.

Most guys aren't so they put up with bullshit from the open through the divorce. Idiots. All of em. They get what they deserve.

 

[Pickle Rick]

No

After a few of those there is no tolerance.

Punish bad behavior because I don't have the time or inclination to coach someone on how to act.

They either get it or they don't.

 

[lenox]

No tolerance ever

Closest I get to tolerance is calling out bullshit in playful ways so the person doesn't feel overwhelmed by the correction

I recently post a text thread between me and a cold prospect, you can read the various jokes I use to remind her to be respectful both of herself and of me

I don't care if you're a child, woman, man, or lederly... I live a certain way and expect to be treated with the same respect I give others

Know your value, and always remember there are 8 Billion in the world

EVERYONE is replaceable

Me included

 

[Gulliver]

Good points. Question: Let's say I tell her that I have got something else to do and we'll make plans for the next time she realizes her mistake and apologizes, do I still go through with the soft next, or let her stay?

By the way, was this good now?
"Alright, look, I need to now get back to work. We'll make plans for another time."
"Actually, I have to get back to recording some music now. See you later."
"Hey, I just realized that I have to record a new video now. Thanks for coming though."

 

[Lex]

Good points. Question: Let's say I tell her that I have got something else to do and we'll make plans for the next time she realizes her mistake and apologizes, do I still go through with the soft next, or let her stay?

By the way, was this good now?
"Alright, look, I need to now get back to work. We'll make plans for another time."
"Actually, I have to get back to recording some music now. See you later."
"Hey, I just realized that I have to record a new video now. Thanks for coming though."

Personally, no matter who if they do something I don’t like but I understand why I just say ok or ignore if they’re a bit too much. Never speak your mind to a woman.


Hell, even people that don’t know it, but a hot girl will be like “Ryan really wants these Pokémon things, it will make him happy.” But they’re 40 years olds! How? His passion is Pokémon cards and she does things to make him happy even if it’s Pokémon cards and nobody understands it. Or “Ryan loves his car, I know he wants this exhaust”, because your passion etc shows and if they like you they’ll go with whatever. Soon as your passion is “all about them”, ain’t nothing there.

Don’t over think these things.

 

[lenox]

Let's say I tell her that I have got something else to do and we'll make plans for the next time she realizes her mistake and apologizes, do I still go through with the soft next, or let her stay?

If it's a sincere apology, yes. If she's playing you like she was taught to play her Daddy by the age of 5. No. If you can't tell the difference, you will have to wait until the next time she does it.

Only respect sincerity in your girl, which you then reward with doting attention, which ultimately means orgasms. Never reward bad behaviour. Respect yourself.

By the way, was this good now?

What I'm describing is a logical response to a casual occurrence. Meaning, no emotion. That's the tone. You won't get it until you genuinely believe in and respect yourself. Until then, you act as if you have 50 women blowing up your phone. A girl is at your place and doesn't want to advance. What does that man say.

You'll get it eventually, for now use this: "OK. Well thank you for a Great time tonight."

She'll naturally be confused and either get out or prove why she should stay. She may start a fight though, again don't get a emotional, which is why I told you not to use your versions. Instead, you say, "I'm sorry you feel that" in a clear tone. As if you were saying, "It's raining outside".

 

[Pickle Rick]

Gulliver

I get the impression you still give a shit.

When I was running around Vegas teaching Mystery Method (yeah, that old) the best analogy or mind model I can give you is The Rock Star.

Just get into that headspace of I am a rock star and everything else falls into place.

In Rock Star mindset you never overthink anything with a woman because:

1. You don't give a shit. ZFG. Or as Caleb puts it "Outcome Independent."

2. There's alway another one (or more) around the corner. Caleb calls this "Abundance Mindset."

When you grok the archetype all these things come natural.

All the acronyms concerning soft next and such are just guidelines like the Pirate Code.

You will make mistakes.

But you are a rock star.

 

[lenox]

You will make mistakes.

But you are a rock star.

If you believe so will she

If you believe you're wounded, she'll believe it too.

So Rock star or pity party?

Choose wisely

 

[Gulliver]

If it's a sincere apology, yes. If she's playing you like she was taught to play her Daddy by the age of 5. No. If you can't tell the difference, you will have to wait until the next time she does it.

Only respect sincerity in your girl, which you then reward with doting attention, which ultimately means orgasms. Never reward bad behaviour. Respect yourself.

Ok, cool, thanks for the advice!

What I'm describing is a logical response to a casual occurrence. Meaning, no emotion. That's the tone. You won't get it until you genuinely believe in and respect yourself. Until then, you act as if you have 50 women blowing up your phone. A girl is at your place and doesn't want to advance. What does that man say.

You'll get it eventually, for now use this: "OK. Well thank you for a Great time tonight."

She'll naturally be confused and either get out or prove why she should stay. She may start a fight though, again don't get a emotional, which is why I told you not to use your versions. Instead, you say, "I'm sorry you feel that" in a clear tone. As if you were saying, "It's raining outside".

I see, and thanks for the example. I get it. In my updated example there's no emotion. I took that out. The emotion was in the first version.