When you're having problems getting hard with the girl you love

Viking

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Share your experiences on this:

You have been together for several years and she still desperately wants to be fucked by you. Do you tell her you're unable to because she has become too fat, too old or otherwise too unattractive?

Over the years before this, do you issue warnings about this when she's getting fatter? (Or other things she's able to adjust?).
 

Papi Knox

Papi Knox
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Clarify:

You're dating here? Or is she poppin up out of the blue?

Do you like fat/old/unattractive women?

What kind of women do you normally date?

Has this happened more than once?

You're leaving a lot of details out, which makes it impossible for anyone to clarify what's happening and how to help.

Be clear. Be honest. Honesty is hte only policy.
 
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Lex

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I’m confused. If I can’t get hard for a female no matter what, I won’t deal with them. No matter how many times I was hard. If I force it then it isn’t the same as wanting it to naturally. I like sex when it’s naturally; let free and do the dirty for as while as it lasts, then snap back to reality. If I can’t do that, I wouldn’t entertain nothing with that woman besides hi and bye out of a good character.
 

Viking

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(I should have pointed out that you guys younger than about 40 y.o, have no experience in this, nor should you have. But feel free to suggest).

Read again, it's all in there:
You love her and have been with her for several years but your physical attraction for her has declined due to physical attributes she can or can't adjust.

I'll translate the above:
You love her, meaning you are bonded, have great chemistry and you both like to be together regardless of sex. You care for her and don't want to hurt her feelings. She also loves you but also wants sex with you as the great sex-loving stallion you used to be. Yes, she wants YOU. You are the man she wants inside of her. YOU were the only man being able to make her cum several times every time she had sex with you. She doesn't care about another men as they have had nothing much to offer compared to you.
You have been with her for years, have kids and you and her are living a happy family life within the Alpha 2.0 frame.

(As you're an Alpha 2.0, she knows you're fucking other girls without the erectile dysfunctions you're having with her).

To make this scenario even simpler:
Fast forward the relationship BD has with Pink Firefly 10 years, and you should get the point. Some Alpha 2.0 guys are already there.

A lot of men want to keep their OLTR's even if they are not as sexually attracted to them as they used to be. (If you are able to: fast forward your own life to when you become a 70 y.o with two 40 y.o FB's and a 60 y.o horny breast-sagging fat OLTR you love being with and is taking care of you).

It's nothing "wrong" here. Biologically speaking this is normal and if you like to settle down with a family you will be facing this sooner or later regardless of how many FB's you have in addition to your OLTR.
 

Papi Knox

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If I can’t do that, I wouldn’t entertain nothing with that woman besides hi and bye out of a good character.
Correct. Your life sets the standard and women will come to you or avoid because they know that they don't match your pace.

Everything Caleb teaches will eliminate or at least reduce the occurrence of this. Only issue is whether or not you hold yourself to the standard you set.

You love her and have been with her for several years but your physical attraction for her has declined due to physical attributes she can or can't adjust.
This wasn't as clear as you may imagine.

Now that we have clarity, you aren't being honest with yourself or her in this case.

You never called her out on her lower standards. You never warned her about losing attraction. You never gave her the chance to step up her game. This begs the question did you live up to your own standards of fitness and attractiveness, if you did you wouldn't be in this situation because she would follow your lead or leave.

If you "love" someone, you call them out and shame them when they fall short of their. You respect them like your Brothers respect you. There is nothing wrong or mean about telling someone the truth observations of themselves. We do it every day in here and it makes us all better.

But there is something wrong with lying or ignoring issues. You've been lying to yourself and her, and that's not love or care, or more importantly respect.

What you're dealing with is common, but it's not what will inevitably happen for all men. Again, if you set a standard and maintain it, then you don't have to be in this situation.

SOLUTIONS:

1— End the relationship.
2— Raise your game up and start respecting yourself. Shifting her has to start with you. She will follow or leave as a result.
3— Do nothing and accept the responsibility for creating this. Make sure you never do it again in other relationships.

Basically man up and handle your business Brother.
 

Viking

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You guys are totally missing the point here. You talk about things not related to a dilemma probably all men have to face when you're living with a decaying OLTR. (I can assume none of you have had any experience in a long lasting relationship as an Alpha 2.0).

Love and sex are not the same thing. Neither are caring and attraction. As you get older you will want both those to be fulfilled, but they will probably be in different women. OLTR for love and caring and FB's for sex and attraction.

As an Alpha 2.0, you're happy with this setup but your OLTR will not be. As a woman, she wants both love and sex in the same person, namely you as her MAN, but you are not able to give it to her like you used to. How do you handle this?
 

Lex

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Bottom line:


You get to sleep with other women, she understands this and she’s ok.

You have a family/kids and she’s “your girl in this world”, and you wouldn’t change her status. And you’ll “provide for her” because you have a bond and love and care that doesn’t need sex.

That’s ok, then keep sleeping with other women, provide, love, and care.


If you’re asking how to get your dick hard for someone you don’t find attractive; there’s no answer if it’s physical attribution from the other person. Maybe someone else will find her attractive etc, and down the road you will find her attractive again, in the mean time all those other bonding things you mentioned shouldn’t change .

So I’m unclear what question you have. That’s like asking me how can I drink water only and get drunk.
 

Viking

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How do you tell your OLTR you've been living with for 10 years that you still love her but you're unable to get hard because she has become too unattractive in a way she can't do anything about, and that you prefer sex with your FB's instead?

Belieaving this will never happen to you is as much Disney as your monogamous brothers think.
 

Lex

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How do you tell your OLTR you've been living with for 10 years that you still love her but you're unable to get hard because she has become too unattractive in a way she can't do anything about, and that you prefer sex with your FB's instead?

Belieaving this will never happen to you is as much Disney as your monogamous brothers think.
I had it happen before in a monogamous relationship, it did fall apart. There’s not much to do about it, but a year and a half later I wanted to “bang her little brains out” again and did. We’re broken up now and is still fuck her but her looks aren’t great IMO, and I know after 5-6 times I’d be unattracted again. If she was ok with non monogamous relationship maybe we would’ve worked .


But what do you think if you just continued to favor sex with others and avoided her, do you think naturally that would push her to start dieting/walking/working out etc to get you to find her appealing again? Or do you really think you should have to tell her, and how do you think she would react?
 

Viking

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Lex: You're right: it doesn't matter how the relationship are put together. At some point you will be less attracted to her, either as a TMM or OLTR wife.

Yes, the big question is how to communicate to her that you still love her but she has become too ugly for you to fuck, in a way that she doesn't leave you and forever damage her feelings towards herself and you...
 

Lex

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Lex: You're right: it doesn't matter how the relationship are put together. At some point you will be less attracted to her, either as a TMM or OLTR wife.

Yes, the big question is how to communicate to her that you still love her but she has become too ugly for you to fuck, in a way that she doesn't leave you and forever damage her feelings towards herself and you...
I think you know her better than anyone here for sure. I wouldn’t want to tell her she’s ugly, that’s for sure. I’d rather let her figure it out on her own and start dieting/dressing up sexier if I were you. If she asks then I’d tell her in a polite manner she’s letting herself go.
 

Papi Knox

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How do you tell your OLTR you've been living with for 10 years that you still love her but you're unable to get hard because she has become too unattractive in a way she can't do anything about, and that you prefer sex with your FB's instead?
The same way you told us. Preferably in person.

This is real easy. You know the answer. You're just afraid and acting cowardly.

You put yourself in this situation, now it's time to get out of it.

The real problem here is why you're not being upfront with yourself and significant people in your life. You've been holding back and now in an uncomfortable situations.

Begs the question: Where else in your life are you ignoring your responsibilities and thus giving away control over you life?
 

Papi Knox

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Belieaving this will never happen to you is as much Disney as your monogamous brothers think.
Not belief. Knowing. I know I will never deal with this because I already don't deal with it in my relationships.

Honesty is the only policy and I don't lie to myself or partners.

Shame is a powerful tool to hold yourself and others accountable. Use it to your advantage.

This situation is already fukt, so apply it to other situations moving forward.
 

Viking

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(lenox: Why are you attacking me in person calling me dishonest, a liar and a coward? Please keep your focus on the subject if you have anything to bring to the table. I'm trying to discuss a dilemma most Alpha 2.0 guys will face, including me).

If you love someone you like keeping around you, you can't behave like a caveman, especially if they did nothing wrong. A woman become less attractive just by getting older but your love for her doesn't vanish because of it.

What if she has to remove both her breasts because of cancer 5 years into the relationship? Do you just leave her alone? Do you shame her? Really? Then good luck trying to be a happy caveman with an OLTR...

No, there is no 100% good answer to my initial question, but you have to be able to handle the situation and communicate SOMETHING to your OLTR. And yes: you are a coward if you don't.
 

Papi Knox

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(lenox: Why are you attacking me in person calling me dishonest, a liar and a coward? Please keep your focus on the subject if you have anything to bring to the table.
No attack. Your situation demands you man up. You need to tell your girl something you've been avoiding for years. 1) How ya gonna do it (Ignore, Change it, Next?) 2) How are you going to ensure this never happens again? (Increase your OI, Never make concessions over your top values, Kill your scarcity mindset, etc.)

You are afraid to lose her, which means you have a scarcity mindset. That's the root. Focus on that and you'll improve your entire situation, as well as, other areas of your life where you face similar challenges.

I'm trying to discuss a dilemma most Alpha 2.0 guys will face, including me).
False. I will never be in this situation because I weed out women early on who will be like this. Plus I set the standard for how I treat myself and how I expect her to treat me and herself. I'm the dominant lead in my relationships, they follow my standard, this shifted for you in your relationship, and now you're following her lead. There are a number of ways around this. Some I listed above. You can learn and apply them too.

But there is no reason why someone HAS to to be in a situation where their women lower their health and beauty standards as they age. That's patently false.

If you love someone you like keeping around you, you can't behave like a caveman, especially if they did nothing wrong. A woman become less attractive just by getting older but your love for her doesn't vanish because of it.
We are all caveman (homo sapiens sapiens that is). The only way to have a healthy relationship is to respect that about yourself and others, and treat men like men and women like women. Au natural. You are not punishing her, you are telling her the truth. It feels like being rude because you've let it slide for years instead of addressing it when it was a non-issue in the beginning. Now the emotional energy is built up over something that genuinely isn't that big a deal and will take 10 minutes to discuss, and 6 weeks of squats to improve.

Focus on the issue at hand.

Decide what you are going to do? Accept the situation as is? Change it by becoming OI and/or being honest with her? or Move to the next girls?

Then do it. And tell us how it went. Talking about it is procrastination and will make you feel worse anxiety.
 

Viking

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lenox: women can't improve anything from a breast cancer or aging by 6 weeks of squatting. Nor can you prevent it (weeding it out/improve OI) by being a strong leading caveman.

Have you ever been in love and cared for a woman over several years? A woman who also loved you, cared for you and appreciated more than your dick? Do you think at some point in the future you want that? Maybe at 60 when your balls are sagging more than your dick?

Yes, I'm asking you to focus at the issue at hand:
How do YOU prevent your loving OLTR from aging badly, having physical defects or other causes she can't adjust to make you hard? If you can't, what do you do? Tell her to fuck off in a nice way?
 

Papi Knox

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How do YOU prevent your loving OLTR from aging badly, having physical defects or other causes she can't adjust to make you hard? If you can't, what do you do? Tell her to fuck off in a nice way?
Somehow I missed this cancer diagnosis. I thought you were talking about your woman getting fat. Your initial post wasn't clear. Next time be specific to you so we can help you directly. I only read the top post and submit notes.

Here's what it is, I've only heard of women improving their health through ph-balanced nutrition after dealing with medical issues. How that affects you in terms of attraction to her, only time will tell.

By definition you cannot control things out of your control. so don't.

Stop fighting it. Acceptance is key and you'll feel a lot lighter.

Two, this isn't about your dick. If this was about sex, you'd date more and that'd be that. Increase OI so this one hiccup becomes irrelevant.

That's not the problem here. You care for this woman and have a deep, sentimental attraction. This is about accepting the next stage of your life with this woman being different from what you used to do before. That's alright as well.

Decide what that looks like for you two, and be the strong, smart, powerful man that you can be for her. Her happiness and sanity is now dependent on your ability to stay consistent, provide structure, and manage a routine so that she feels safe and supported.

Three, which should be number one, you need to take care of you. You're no go to this relationship, or this woman, if you are not manging your mental and physical fitness well. Eat well. Sleep well. Hydrate well. Relationships demand a lot from the man, and you need to be fit for them otherwise, they'll run you ragged, which means you can't be present and fun for your woman.

So that's what comes first.

Then make this about how you want to live out your life with this woman.

If you don't want her around, then you downgrade or next her. The severity is up to you.

If you do, then you make a list of all the things you care about her, relate it to her 5LLs, and build a new relationship with solid structure, consistency and routine.

You hold her close, look her in her eyes, and tell her "It's Me and You against the world".

If you can't physically thrill her anymore, tap into your sexual skills and remember that it's 90% mental. Mental push and pull and delight her with life itself. Be the master of her joy and pleasure. You may end up getting your groove back with this process.

All my other advice earlier applies to men like me who base relationships on what me and the woman tangibly build together (businesses or families). If you make it about love or sex, my words won't help.

The above may not be fun to read, but this is how I'd advise you to love or shift your love. Good Luck Brother!
 

Viking

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lenox: If you're giving a strong advice about something to everybody like a mentor and not just state your opinion or are guessing, you do need some experience about the issue. How many OLTRs have you had and for how long?

Yes, you do seem to finally get to the point here, but why the hell are you still thinking I'm not an Alpha 2.0 to the core? I do have my shit together both physically and mentally and so do my girls at the moment. However, as both I and my OLTR are getting older, I see what's coming and I do have to face it. So will you at some point sooner or later in your life if you want an OLTR.
 
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